While no one wants to hear of someone’s passing, it’s an inevitable component of our life. Announcing a death requires finesse and tact, especially when delivering the news to friends and family. Remaining compassionate and understanding must be a core aspect of your delivery, even if you don’t know what to say.
Virtually everyone has shared the news of someone passing away, in person or online. Although my delivery hasn’t always been perfect, I have been responsible for letting family members and friends know of a loss. Unfortunately, I’ve also received a few abrupt announcements, temporarily stunning me as I scrolled social media.
In this article, we’ll explore the best ways to announce a death in person and online. This includes information to include in your announcement, how to deliver the message, and when to share your post.
Immediate Steps After a Death
When someone passes away, family and friends must handle several responsibilities. A life needs to be closed out, final bills paid, accounts closed, and a funeral planned. Handling these tasks is daunting, especially if the death was unexpected. Settling someone’s affairs is not a one-person task – so get help if available.
Spend a few hours processing the death, grieving, and taking a silent moment to appreciate the loss. While the tasks may seem impossible to finalize, the most critical piece is spending time in your grief. After you’ve spent time processing your loss, break down each aspect into small, actionable steps to delegate to friends and family.
Delegating Communication Responsibilities
Learning about a loved one’s death is the most challenging news an individual will hear. It requires tact and thoughtful delivery, especially when it’s unexpected. To break the news to family and friends, here are a few things to consider:
- Never share the news through text messages or messenger services
- Notify the immediate family first, in person or over the phone
- Extended family close to the departed should hear the news in person or over the phone
- Distant relatives or contacts can learn of the death online
How to Determine Which Communication Channel to Use
Whenever possible, anyone close to the departed should be told in person. Be clear, empathetic, and direct when delivering the news. Always find a quiet and private location where you won’t be interrupted. Avoid confusing language and euphemisms, being as direct as possible. Wait for them to respond with clarifying questions before offering additional information. Make sure to offer condolences and remain kind and supportive.
If delivering the message over the phone, keep the messaging the same as in person. Before delivering the news, ask the recipient if they can talk privately and uninterrupted. You never want to tell someone while they’re driving or distracted, as this isn’t fair to the recipient. It’s better to call back later or ask that they arrange a moment to talk to them.
How to Write a Death Announcement
Death announcements notify the local community of someone passing away. Disseminating the death announcement is essential, as no one will know every contact the deceased had. Consider publishing the death announcement in a newspaper, online, and through social media.
An online death announcement can easily circulate through friends, family, and other contacts the deceased may have had.
Basic Details of a Death Announcement
A death announcement should always include the individual's full name, maiden name, location of death, and dates of birth and death. Many choose to include the surviving family (names of close living family members) and memorial or funeral service details. If the funeral is public, include the date, time, and location in the death announcement.
Additional Information for the Death Announcement
An announcement can include as many details as you’d like, although many will choose a few accomplishments or facts about the departed. These details may include any military service, volunteer positions, memberships to religious or cultural organizations, and the details of an organization or charity to which mourners can send donations.
How to Announce a Death on Social Media
With social media playing an integral role in our society, it’s not uncommon for many people to share news of a loved one passing online. When sharing, remember those reading the post and refrain from posting before friends and immediate family are notified. No one wants to find out a loved one passed away from Facebook.
Choosing what to say can make all the difference on social media. If you’re struggling to find the right words, consider the following before posting:
Always Remember Your Audience
Shock value on social media isn’t just tasteless; it’s rude and disrespectful to the reader. The news of someone passing is hurtful, and you don’t control the environment where people learn of the news. Soften the blow to allow the reader to acclimate to the news.
Opening with a line that indicates “sad news” is always best. Consider using the following phrases to start your social media post:
- It’s with great sadness that I announce the loss of my dear friend [Name]...
- With heavy hearts, we announce the sudden passing of [individual].
Always Inform the Reader
Social media brings together large groups of people, including those who may not know the individual personally. It’s important to share who the individual was with you instead of leaving things vague. Always announce the family, friend, or coworker connection in the social media post.
If details about the passing are appropriate, sharing a few specifics is okay. This area would only be suitable if you’re closely connected with the deceased. Many people will want to know what happened, especially if the death was unexpected.
- [Name] passed unexpectedly as a result of injuries/stroke/cardiac arrest on [date].
- [Name] never stopped her fight against cancer, showing friends and family what a true fighter she was until the very end.
- After a decade-long fight with his mental illness, [name] passed away on [date].
Include Positive Memories of the Deceased
A social media post doesn’t have to be generic and cold, so share some of your favorite memories of the individual. Maybe the person was known for making everyone laugh so hard they cried, or perhaps they were strong and loved to debate. Include a few memories of the person in your social media post to encourage others to share them.
- I would always find Debra tinkering outside in the garden long after the sun went down. Sometimes, I swore she loved those plants more than me!
- If anyone knew James, they knew his love for his grandchildren. He would go to any length to see them smile. I remember when he played princess tea party for hours, complete with nail polish and glitter.
Include Funeral Arrangements or Memorial Funds
If you’re having a public funeral, share the information on the social media post. For private arrangements, ask for privacy. Likewise, you can indicate a private service for the family is arranged.
Consider the Timing
It’s always best to have direct permission from immediate family before sharing news of someone’s passing. Ensure all family and friends are notified before the social media post. Processing the death of a loved one can take days or weeks, making it inappropriate to share immediately after. Take a few days to share the news online, or wait until the immediate family publicly shares a post.
Managing Public Announcements and Funeral Arrangements
Choosing to post someone’s death publicly is a personal decision within the family. Some individuals prefer posting online to notify many people simultaneously, while others like to keep the news private. If the loss isn’t an immediate family member, never share the information online without the family’s consent.
Ask close contacts (spouse, children, parents, or siblings) for permission to post online before sharing it publicly. Always wait for the immediate family to share the information before posting your memorial or death announcement.
Posting Funeral Arrangements Publicly
Posting the funeral arrangements will largely depend on the service a family chooses. Occasionally, a family may prefer a private, quiet funeral after the death, limiting attendance to close relatives only. The funeral notice can let others know the service is private.
Alternatively, a public funeral may welcome anyone who knew the deceased. The details should include the service's date, time, and location. Social media is a powerful tool for notifying others of the memorial service, but only include the information if you’re okay with large numbers of people seeing it. If the family requests charitable donations instead of flowers, include the details in the announcement.
Final Thoughts
Although no one wants to announce a loved one’s passing, it’s inevitable in our society. With the increase in social media, in-person and online sharing should always be the same consideration. It’s always best to ask the immediate family when sharing details online, especially if the deceased was private.
Take a few moments to process your grief before sharing the details with loved ones. You deserve time to grieve and navigate the loss independently. When sharing the news with loved ones, offer an empathetic ear as they process the loss.
After processing the loss, talk to immediate friends and family in person and delegate specific communication responsibilities to others whenever possible.
