Dealing with the loss of a loved one is devastating. 

It’s emotionally and mentally taxing, impacting virtually every aspect of your life. An employer may offer bereavement leave after the death of a loved one. While several larger companies may have official policies, smaller firms will likely handle these situations case-by-case.  

Letting your boss know you’re grieving isn’t easy, but it’s a crucial step to healing. After losing a child, the last thing I wanted to do was advertise my loss to the world. Part of my healing was accepting the facts, facing others, and asking for help with such a complicated process—my employer included. 

In this article, I’ll explain everything you need to know about grief, why what you’re currently experiencing is completely normal, and exactly what you need to say to your employer.

How to Tell Your Boss You Are Grieving

Although it may seem uncomfortable, talking to your employer can alleviate stress and concerns within the workplace. If possible, speak to your supervisor before taking the time off. Most employers support staff, understand the need for time off, offer additional support, or modify the schedule. 

If your company offers bereavement leave, ask for any information needed and how to facilitate that process. Many bereavement policies are outlined in the company handbook or are accessible through HR. Determine how long your company offers and whether this absence is paid. Here are a few critical considerations for bereavement leave:

Ask your employer how bereavement leave is classified within the company. 

A few employers don’t offer formal leave when grieving but allow employees to use accrued vacation or sick days. Some employers offer to pay some time off, leaving the rest unpaid.

Clarify bereavement leave status before taking time off. 

Although everyone deserves time off to process the loss, a few companies only provide bereavement leave to full-time employees. This benefit may not apply to contractors, part-time, or employees on probation. 

Confirm requirements for taking leave. 

A few businesses require proof of death before allowing a leave of absence. Ask the employer what documentation they require before leaving. Many funeral homes provide documentation for an employer, which is available before the death certificate.

Always submit a formal request in writing. 

If you intend on working, let your boss know of any accommodations you may require. This may include a reduced workload, remote work, or leaving early for arrangements. 

How to Deal with Grief at Work

Dr. Shatavia Alexander Thomas once said, “Grieving is like breathing, but we act like we have to hold our breath.” Too often, employees jump back into their positions, trying to push through the grief.” For many, this task is virtually impossible; grief doesn’t disappear because the leave ends. Dealing with grief at work requires patience and finesse from your employer. It also requires you to be kind to yourself.  

Inform Your Boss and Colleagues

Your boss holds specific expectations for your performance. While grieving, it’s virtually impossible to maintain that performance level. Share what you’re experiencing with co-workers and management as soon as possible. They can help navigate your return, support you emotionally, and adjust expectations on the job. 

Allow Time for Grief Throughout the Day

Grief is one of the most unpredictable emotions an individual will face, but integrating it into our daily lives is the easiest way to keep it in check. Carve out specific times to acknowledge the grief. Start by allowing yourself 15 minutes three or four times daily to embrace any emotions you’re experiencing. After the 15 minutes, push through your daily routine until the next “grief slot.”

Plan for Emergency Moments

As much as we’d like to schedule our grief, there are times when it’s inescapable. Plan out how emergencies are best handled on the job for times you need to collect yourself. Discuss an exit strategy with your manager, arrange appointments with time to recollect yourself in between, or work remotely until you can handle the business of your office. 

Advocate for Yourself

Working through grief requires adjustments and changes, but you’ll need to advocate what that looks like to your employer. Consider how your employer can help you through this transition and approach them with recommendations. 

Accommodations may include:

• Schedule changes
• Longer deadlines
• Weekends off
• Reduced client meetings
• Increased breaks throughout the day

Is It Okay to Take Time Off for Grief at Work?

Unfortunately, the United States doesn’t offer a federally mandated bereavement leave policy. This means workers aren’t guaranteed time off when facing a death to grieve or attend a funeral. If you require time off to grieve, always contact your employer directly. If the company offers bereavement leave, taking the time off to process your loss is okay and encouraged. 

After the specified time, anyone struggling with grief can speak with their doctor or employer about a medical leave of absence. 

How Does Grief Affect You at Work?

Grief impacts everyone differently and fluctuates over time. Feelings of exhaustion, anger, and sadness can be overwhelming. Grief can also impact concentration, patience, and focus. Losing a loved one isn’t just an emotional feeling; physical symptoms can manifest, too. 

Common Experiences with Grief

Although grief is an individual experience, most people face a few similar experiences on the job. These experiences may include:

• Feeling sudden experiences of grief, sadness, or anger. These waves of grief come unexpectedly and may interfere with everyday tasks. 

• Struggling to complete tasks. Feeling previous employment tasks are more tiresome or take longer to complete is common, especially when you first return to work. 

• Exhaustion or feeling physically ill. Grief can impact your entire body, manifesting in physical symptoms. You may feel exhausted, run-down, or physically ill when grieving.

• Finding relief at work. A few people are surprised that work offers a distraction from their sadness. Work can keep the mind busy, so it doesn’t dwell on the recent loss. 

Does Miscarriage Count as Bereavement Leave?

A miscarriage or stillbirth may qualify under an employer’s bereavement policy if one is available. Likewise, they may include this loss under other paid leave policies. Always ask your employer if you’re unsure whether pregnancy loss qualifies as bereavement under your company. 

Example Letter to Your Boss

When telling your boss you’re grieving, it’s best to be direct. Include a clear subject line and keep the email brief. Here’s an example of a written notice for an employer:

Dear [Manager or HR Name],

I am writing to request bereavement leave, starting on [date starting] and ending on [date ending]. My [family member] passed away on [date of passing]. I would like to take additional paid vacation time from [date started] until [date of return].

During this time, you can reach me through email or cell phone at [contact information].

Thank you,

[Your Name]

Final Thoughts

Struggling with grief is incredibly difficult, especially when returning to work. 

Many will struggle with the transition back to the workplace, facing emotional and physical symptoms. Notifying your employer as soon as possible is the easiest way to ensure patience and understanding, even if sharing the news of your loss feels unnatural and intimidating. 

Many managers and human resource teams will help those grieving with transitions and accommodations required; you simply need to advocate for yourself and ask. Contact us today and find out how we can bring Elayne to your company. We help employees like you process the administrative tasks after losing a loved one. So you can focus on grieving instead of paperwork.