It’s easy to look at a policy on paper and believe it’s sufficient until you face it head-on.
For many, the concept of bereavement leave seems abstract, particularly as it relates to an employee's absence from the office after the death of a loved one.
While the United States lacks a federally mandated policy on the issue, many individual companies offer a short leave for bereavement. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, most offer three days leave for immediate family and one day for other family members.
From personal experience, the reality of these policies didn’t fully hit home until I was expected to return to work three days after losing my infant son.
There’s a lot of emotion, turmoil, and planning packed into those three days, leaving individuals like me struggling to cope and mentally exhausted. Yet, within the week, we expect our emotionally raw and vulnerable staff to return to the office and separate professional life from personal chaos. That’s a tough ask, if not an impossible request.
The Cost of Grief in the Workplace
Current bereavement policies account for an expected $75 billion annually in grief-related losses for US companies, according to the Grief Recovery Institute.
Additionally, this doesn’t factor in the emotional and mental strain placed on the employee, as they’re forced back into the workplace prematurely. Many workplace environments are inhospitable to individuals suffering profound loss.
Management Fall Flat When Approaching Grief within the Workplace
For many managers, the inclusive nature celebrates births, anniversaries, and birthdays but falls mute when they need to handle death adequately. A default silence and avoidance from staff and management sends a clear message to the bereaved: grief has no place within the workplace, but you must return to your position immediately.
This silent approach forces management and human resources into an impersonal and mute stance, depriving people of support that could benefit those in mourning. It erodes bonds between colleagues and deprives staff of a critical community to support them through their isolating journey.
Current US Bereavement Policies
Currently, no federal law requires a company to offer bereavement to employees. Most states don’t mandate bereavement leave either. Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook's Chief Operating Officer and author of Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, indicates that only 60% of private-sector workers will receive paid time off for bereavement purposes, and it will most likely only be a few days.
According to the Society for Human Resource Management 2016 Paid Leave in the Workplace Survey, on average, individuals receiving paid bereavement leave receive four days. Three days for the loss of a parent, domestic partner, grandparent, sibling, grandchild, or foster child. Only one or two days are available for extended family or a spouse’s relative. Most companies fail to offer leave for friends or colleagues.
State-Specific Bereavement Policies
A few individual states do hold regulations surrounding the issue, including the following locations:
California
If the employer has more than five employees, employees may take five days of bereavement leave for the death of a family member.
Illinois
Individuals may take two weeks of unpaid leave following a covered family member or a loss related to pregnancy, surrogacy, fertility, and adoption. The employer must have more than 50 employees to qualify.
Maryland
Employers may use five days of paid sick time or three days of bereavement leave for an immediate family member’s death. To qualify, employers must have more than 15 employees.
Oregon
An eligible person may take two weeks of bereavement leave for the death of a family member. Maximum bereavement leave is 12 weeks per calendar year. This policy applies to employers with 25 staff or more.
Washington
An eligible employee may take three days of bereavement leave for an immediate family member’s death.
Losing a loved one holds significant and profound consequences. Of course, there is grief and mourning, but additional details like notifying the family, service arrangements, and financial constraints also demand an employee’s time and attention.
How Long Should Bereavement Leave Be?
Grief is an immensely personal process; there’s no one rule about bereavement requirements.
Some grief experts believe a minimum of twenty days should be available to grieving individuals, although this may not be financially possible for smaller businesses.
Outlined policies can help many managers and HR staff, but regulations should allow adjustment for close familial bonds. When offering time away from the office, aim for policies that connect with an employee's mental well-being instead of their family tree.
What to Say to a Grieving Employee
Far too often, we don’t know what to say to an individual suffering a recent loss, so we avoid saying anything at all. Unfortunately, staying silent isolates the grieving co-worker, making the loss feel more intense and awkward. To show you care, start by connecting with them directly to offer support and comfort as a person.
Always Show Compassion
Start a conversation by meeting an employee where they are emotionally. Acknowledge it’s nice to see them back in the office and encourage open communication without judgment.
“Welcome back to the office. I’d love to check in this afternoon if you’re open to a chat?”
Make a Specific Offer to Help
Grieving employees won’t always know or recognize what they need during grief. A genuine offer to help can reconnect staff, but always make the suggestion specific. The last thing a grieving person wants to do is think of ways for outsiders to “help.”
Offers can be as simple as, “I’ve split your appointments between other members this week, but you’ll still receive the commission. We can keep it this way until you tell me otherwise.”
Learn to Acknowledge the Grief
Check in with your employees regularly, asking open-ended questions whenever possible. A simple question, “How were you feeling today?” can make all the difference, but don’t badger them throughout the day.
What to Avoid Saying to a Grieving Employee
Although most people have the best intentions when talking to someone about the death of a loved one, some phrases focus on making the loss go away instead of acknowledging the pain and emotion behind it.
Here are four phrases to avoid saying:
“It could be worse. I know a person…”
This statement tries to invalidate the griever’s pain and loss and comes across as a comparison. Knowing someone has it worse doesn’t change the severity of their pain right now.
“God Never Gives Us More Than We Can Handle”
Although many people take comfort in a greater being or plan, death causes many to question God or faith. Additionally, many people don’t share a belief, making them feel distant or alienated.
“You Can Always Have Another Child/Remarry/Find a New”
This comment often projects into the future, removing the loss the individual is experiencing. These comments are hurtful and demeaning, as many don’t want to replace the person who passed away; they want to continue life with their loved ones.
“Time Heals Everything/You’re Going to be Fine.”
Projecting into the future doesn’t remove the pain the individual faces now. It suggests what they’re feeling is wrong. Many grieving face similar thought patterns of depression, so they won’t see the future because of the intensity of what they’re facing now.
How Elayne Can Help
Dealing with the loss of a loved one is devastating for employees. Elayne works to guide employees and their loved ones through the legal process while compiling all the information they need in one centralized platform.
While Elayne doesn’t negate the healing process for people suffering loss, it does help them navigate the complex and foreign steps. We act as a critical guide through the bereavement process while you support the employee.
Final thoughts
While many employers believe extended bereavement policies will financially impact their organization, studies confirm the cost of not having appropriate leave hurts businesses on a larger scale.
Over $75 billion annually is lost to workplace grief while employees sit unsupported and isolated. Instead, developing adequate bereavement policies can negate these losses while encouraging employee retention.
Although recent studies suggest the average employee requires 20 business days to adequately process grief, employers can develop other ways to navigate the process.
Holding lenient bereavement policies, encouraging leave of absence, supporting returning staff, and implementing centralized legacy planning for individuals and loved ones can all alleviate the pressures of returning to work prematurely.
Likewise, these steps help connect employees to management during a crisis instead of leaving them during a dark and confusing period.
