Wake vs. Funeral: Navigating End-of-Life Ceremonies
End-of-life ceremonies play a significant role in helping those in mourning find solace and community during difficult times. Although funerals and wakes seem similar, they offer a variety of differences that help those who are living process their grief.
Based on my own experiences through the heartache of loss, planning and attending these ceremonies have provided me with the strength, compassion, and community I needed to get through those challenging times.
In the following article, I share the subtle and not-so-subtle differences between wakes, funerals, and memorial services. From understanding the etiquette of what to wear to addressing common questions, I hope to make these meaningful events a bit easier to navigate.
What is a Wake?
A wake is a gathering of close friends and family members, usually held at a family home or funeral parlor. It allows loved ones to pay their respects to the deceased, often with an open casket reception.
The atmosphere of a wake encourages people to mingle, exchange personal stories, and support each other while creating a safe space for grieving and remembrance. Food and drink are offered, and while it is a sad occasion, a wake often involves as much laughter as it does tears. Those who attend the wake will be invited to engage in a celebration of life, sharing cherished memories of the individual who brought them all together.
What is a Funeral?
A funeral service is a solemn ceremony that follows a sequence of events leading up to the burial or cremation. These might include readings, songs, eulogies, and prayers, often led by a religious leader or officiant. Unlike the more relaxed atmosphere of a wake, funerals traditionally take place in sacred settings like churches, funeral homes, or grave sites. This event offers a solemn space for attendees to offer their condolences and prepare for the final farewell of the deceased.
What is a Memorial Service?
A memorial service is a heartfelt occasion dedicated to celebrating the life of someone who has passed. Like a wake, these are centered around friends and family sharing cherished memories and personal stories in a less solemn environment.
The most significant difference between a memorial service and a wake or funeral is in its timing flexibility. While funerals and wakes occur promptly following a death, a memorial service can be scheduled anytime. This allows for a more personalized tribute to commemorating the departed, where the setting can be chosen to reflect the individual's preferences and personality, making the service deeply meaningful.
I've attended memorial services in places uniquely special to the person we were honoring, from peaceful beaches and tranquil state parks to their favorite restaurants. Each location reflected something cherished by our loved ones and added a personal touch to celebrate their memory. It also brought those of us attending closer together, united in our grief and keeping their spirit closely in our hearts.
What to Wear to a Wake vs. Funeral
A funeral is a time to pay your final respects, offer condolences, and support grieving family and friends. Wearing the proper clothing is essential to show respect for the occasion and those in mourning. Generally, dressing conservatively is the best choice, opting for dark colors like black, charcoal gray, and deep navy. Keep accessories to a minimum, and wear close-toed shoes.
Wakes are slightly more relaxed, but it’s still important to dress respectfully and lean towards more conservative choices. For men, that would mean wearing a dress shirt and slacks instead of a full suit, and women would opt for a simple dress. While there’s a bit more flexibility in color, sticking with darker tones is best.
Is Wake a Catholic Term?
The term “wake” has roots in Catholicism and refers to a vigil where mourners watch over the deceased. Over time, the concept has grown to include other cultures and religions and is now a standard part of the death ritual.
As a Catholic tradition, the wake holds significant meaning, serving as a time for prayer, reflection, and community support.
Can You Have a Wake Before a Funeral?
Yes, it's common to hold a wake before a funeral. This allows family and friends to gather in a more informal setting for personal reflection, sharing cherished memories, and offering mutual support. The wake helps to bring people closer together during the grieving process, creating a strong sense of unity as everyone shares their stories of the loved one who has passed and leans on each other for empathy and compassion.
A Closing Reflection
Dealing with loss never gets easier, even though it's a part of life we all face. Understanding the differences between a wake and a funeral can help as we try to find our way through the tough times that come with saying goodbye.
Through this article, we've seen how each of these ceremonies has its own place in the journey of healing, helping us move from mourning to celebrating the life that was lived.
Taking part in these traditions and drawing on our own experiences or the advice from the Elayne Team, we can find solace in shared rituals and the collective wisdom that helps us navigate through our grief, bringing us closer together in remembering and honoring the ones we've lost.
